Once Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor -- and doctors have learned the trick from the priests: they write in Latin and Greek, and they write in such a way that even if they have to read it again it is difficult. Nobody should understand what they are writing.
So Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor and he said,
"Listen, be plain. Just tell me the facts. Don't use Latin and Greek."
The doctor said, "If you insist, and if you allow me to be frank, you are not ill at all. You are just plain lazy."
Nasruddin said, "Okay, thank you. Now write it in Greek and Latin so I can show it to my family.
"
[Osho]
Father Murphy wants to raise money for his church and he has heard that there is a fortune to be
made in horse racing. However, he does not have enough money to buy a horse, so he decides
to buy a donkey instead and enters him in a race. To his surprise the donkey comes third. The
headline on the sports page reads: "Priest's Ass Shows."
Father Murphy enters it in another race and this time it wins. The headline reads: "Priest's Ass Out
Front."
The bishop is so upset by this kind of publicity that he orders Father Murphy not to race his donkey
again. The headline reads: "Bishop Scratches Priest's Ass."
This is too much for the bishop. So he orders Father Murphy to get rid of the donkey. He gives it to
Sister Theresa. And the headline reads: "Nun Has Best Ass in Town."
The bishop faints. He then informs Sister Theresa that she must dispose of the donkey. She sells it
to Paddy for ten dollars.
The next day the bishop is found dead on the dining room table with a newspaper clutched in his
hand. The headline reads: "Nun Sells Her Ass for Ten Bucks."
[Osho]
Father Murphy is explaining the meaning of faith to his congregation.
"In the front row," he says, "we have Paddy and Maureen and their five children. Maureen knows
they are her children - that is knowledge. Paddy believes they are his children - that is faith."
[Osho]
Mulla Nasruddin was given an interview with a shipping company. The manager asked, "Nasruddin,
it is a dangerous job. Sometimes the ocean behaves so roughly. If you are caught in tidal waves,
what are you going to do with your ship?"
He said, "No problem at all. I will simply lower down the defense mechanism that every ship has, just weights, huge weights which keep the ship stable even when there is so much turmoil all around."
The manager said, "Another tidal wave is arising...?"
He said, "No problem. I will again lower down a huge weight" ? In the shipping world these weights
are called langers.
The manager said, "But if a third wave comes, what will you do?"
He said, "No problem... a bigger langer."
The manager is in a difficulty what to do with this man. He says, "From where are you getting all
these langers?"
Mulla Nasruddin said, "And from where are you getting these tidal waves?" The same is the source...
[Osho]
An old Indian from Calcutta is waiting at the bus stop with his family of twelve children ahead of him and a blind man behind him. It is late at night and they are waiting for the last bus. Eventually the bus comes and when all the children are aboard, the conductor says it is full, and the old Indian and the blind man have to walk home.
After walking for some time with the blind man tapping the ground loudly with his stick, the Indian says, "You know, if you had a little bit of rubber on the end of your stick, all that noise could have been avoided."
"I know," snaps the blind man, "and if you had a little bit of rubber on the end of your prick, we could have got on the bus!"
Everybody has to be very aware and alert about himself, because he is the society, he is making
the society, creating the society. You cannot save yourself from the responsibilities.
A man walked into a pub one night and sat down at the bar to drink a beer. While he was engaged in conversation with the man on the stool beside him, a monkey clambered down one of the bar posts, stopped at his glass and pissed in his beer. The man noticed it too late.
"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Did you see that? That monkey just pissed in my beer!"
"Well, no use telling me about it," said his neighbor. "Tell the barkeeper he owns this place."
The man called the barkeeper over. "Hey!" he said. "Do you know that while I was talking with this gentleman a monkey came over and pissed in my beer?"
"Nothing to do with me," said the landlord. "Go and have a word with the pianist over there " it is his monkey!"
The man walked over with his pint mug, tapped the pianist on the shoulder and said, "Hey, do you know your monkey has just pissed in my beer?"
"No," said the pianist, "but if you sing the words, I will play it."
A woman was trying to open a tin, and she could not find the way to open it. So she went to look in
the cookery book. By the time she looked into the book, the cook had opened it. She came back,
and she was surprised.
She asked the cook 'How did you do it?'
He said 'Lady, when you don't know how to read, you have to use your intelligence!'
[Jaggi]
Miss Goodbody has been teaching for twenty years, so all the kids bring her presents. They line up in front of her holding the gifts and she tries to guess what they are.
Little Ernie's father has a liquor store and she notices that little Ernie's package is leaking, so she tastes it.
"Did you bring me Scotch whiskey?" she asks.
"No," replies little Ernie.
So Miss Goodbody turns to little Ronnie. Little Ronnie's father is a florist.
"Did you bring me some love roses?" asks Miss Goodbody.
"Yes, teacher," replies Ronny, passing her the flowers.
Then Miss Goodbody goes back to Ernie's leaking package and tastes it again.
"Did you bring me gin?" she says.
"No," replies little Ernie.
Little Ruthy's father has a candy store.
"Have you brought me candy?" asks Miss Goodbody.
"Yes, teacher," replies Ruthy and gives her the package.
Then Miss Goodbody goes back to Ernie and tastes the leaking packet again.
"Did you bring me rum?" she asks.
"No," replies little Ernie, "I brought you a puppy."
This world is so hilarious. What complications...? The poor puppy is just doing his thing.
Adolf Hitler is inspecting his panzer division. Every boot and button is shining bright and there is a deathly silence over the parade ground.
All of a sudden someone sneezes.
"Who sneezed?" Hitler shrieks at the men.
Nobody dares to answer. Hitler raises his arm, and the first row of soldiers is shot dead.
"Who sneezed?" Hitler shrieks again.
There is no reply, so Hitler raises his arm and the next row of soldiers is shot dead.
'I will ask you one more time,' says Hitler. 'Who sneezed?'
A man in the back row timidly raises his hand.
"It was me," says the soldier.
The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt death approaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.
The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, "What is this! Where are the pockets?"
Mulla Nasruddin took his pay one month and there was a ten-rupee note extra. The accountant must have counted wrongly. But he was happy.
Next month there was a ten-rupee note missing so he immediately complained. The accountant said, 'Mulla, and what about the other time when I had given you a ten-rupee note more? Then you didn't complain.'
Mulla said, 'Listen. When a mistake is committed once, it is okay. But when it is committed twice, I complain.'
The son of Mulla Nasruddin asked him, "Papa, if a Mohammedan becomes a Christian, what will you call him?" He said, "He is a renegade!"
And the son thought it over and he said, "If a Christian becomes a Mohammedan, what will you call him?"
And he laughed and he said, "He is a man of understanding."
[Osho]
^ Top
Once Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor -- and doctors have learned the trick from the priests: they write in Latin and Greek, and they write in such a way that even if they have to read it again it is difficult. Nobody should understand what they are writing.
So Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor and he said, "Listen, be plain. Just tell me the facts. Don't use Latin and Greek."
The doctor said, "If you insist, and if you allow me to be frank, you are not ill at all. You are just plain lazy." Nasruddin said, "Okay, thank you. Now write it in Greek and Latin so I can show it to my family. "
[Osho]
^ Top
Father Murphy wants to raise money for his church and he has heard that there is a fortune to be made in horse racing. However, he does not have enough money to buy a horse, so he decides to buy a donkey instead and enters him in a race. To his surprise the donkey comes third. The headline on the sports page reads: "Priest's Ass Shows."
Father Murphy enters it in another race and this time it wins. The headline reads: "Priest's Ass Out Front."
The bishop is so upset by this kind of publicity that he orders Father Murphy not to race his donkey again. The headline reads: "Bishop Scratches Priest's Ass."
This is too much for the bishop. So he orders Father Murphy to get rid of the donkey. He gives it to Sister Theresa. And the headline reads: "Nun Has Best Ass in Town."
The bishop faints. He then informs Sister Theresa that she must dispose of the donkey. She sells it to Paddy for ten dollars.
The next day the bishop is found dead on the dining room table with a newspaper clutched in his hand. The headline reads: "Nun Sells Her Ass for Ten Bucks."[Osho]
^ Top
Father Murphy is explaining the meaning of faith to his congregation.
"In the front row," he says, "we have Paddy and Maureen and their five children. Maureen knows they are her children - that is knowledge. Paddy believes they are his children - that is faith."
[Osho]
^ Top
Mulla Nasruddin was given an interview with a shipping company. The manager asked, "Nasruddin, it is a dangerous job. Sometimes the ocean behaves so roughly. If you are caught in tidal waves, what are you going to do with your ship?"
He said, "No problem at all. I will simply lower down the defense mechanism that every ship has, just weights, huge weights which keep the ship stable even when there is so much turmoil all around."
The manager said, "Another tidal wave is arising...?"
He said, "No problem. I will again lower down a huge weight" ? In the shipping world these weights are called langers.
The manager said, "But if a third wave comes, what will you do?"
He said, "No problem... a bigger langer."
The manager is in a difficulty what to do with this man. He says, "From where are you getting all these langers?"
Mulla Nasruddin said, "And from where are you getting these tidal waves?" The same is the source...
[Osho]
^ Top
An old Indian from Calcutta is waiting at the bus stop with his family of twelve children ahead of him and a blind man behind him. It is late at night and they are waiting for the last bus. Eventually the bus comes and when all the children are aboard, the conductor says it is full, and the old Indian and the blind man have to walk home.
After walking for some time with the blind man tapping the ground loudly with his stick, the Indian says, "You know, if you had a little bit of rubber on the end of your stick, all that noise could have been avoided."
"I know," snaps the blind man, "and if you had a little bit of rubber on the end of your prick, we could have got on the bus!"
Everybody has to be very aware and alert about himself, because he is the society, he is making the society, creating the society. You cannot save yourself from the responsibilities.
^ Top
A man walked into a pub one night and sat down at the bar to drink a beer. While he was engaged in conversation with the man on the stool beside him, a monkey clambered down one of the bar posts, stopped at his glass and pissed in his beer. The man noticed it too late.
"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Did you see that? That monkey just pissed in my beer!"
"Well, no use telling me about it," said his neighbor. "Tell the barkeeper he owns this place."
The man called the barkeeper over. "Hey!" he said. "Do you know that while I was talking with this gentleman a monkey came over and pissed in my beer?"
"Nothing to do with me," said the landlord. "Go and have a word with the pianist over there " it is his monkey!"
The man walked over with his pint mug, tapped the pianist on the shoulder and said, "Hey, do you know your monkey has just pissed in my beer?"
"No," said the pianist, "but if you sing the words, I will play it."
^ Top
A woman was trying to open a tin, and she could not find the way to open it. So she went to look in the cookery book. By the time she looked into the book, the cook had opened it. She came back, and she was surprised.
She asked the cook 'How did you do it?'
He said 'Lady, when you don't know how to read, you have to use your intelligence!'
[Jaggi]
^ Top
Miss Goodbody has been teaching for twenty years, so all the kids bring her presents. They line up in front of her holding the gifts and she tries to guess what they are.
Little Ernie's father has a liquor store and she notices that little Ernie's package is leaking, so she tastes it.
"Did you bring me Scotch whiskey?" she asks.
"No," replies little Ernie.
So Miss Goodbody turns to little Ronnie. Little Ronnie's father is a florist.
"Did you bring me some love roses?" asks Miss Goodbody.
"Yes, teacher," replies Ronny, passing her the flowers.
Then Miss Goodbody goes back to Ernie's leaking package and tastes it again.
"Did you bring me gin?" she says.
"No," replies little Ernie.
Little Ruthy's father has a candy store.
"Have you brought me candy?" asks Miss Goodbody.
"Yes, teacher," replies Ruthy and gives her the package.
Then Miss Goodbody goes back to Ernie and tastes the leaking packet again.
"Did you bring me rum?" she asks.
"No," replies little Ernie, "I brought you a puppy."
This world is so hilarious. What complications...? The poor puppy is just doing his thing.
^ Top
Adolf Hitler is inspecting his panzer division. Every boot and button is shining bright and there is a deathly silence over the parade ground. All of a sudden someone sneezes.
"Who sneezed?" Hitler shrieks at the men.
Nobody dares to answer. Hitler raises his arm, and the first row of soldiers is shot dead.
"Who sneezed?" Hitler shrieks again.
There is no reply, so Hitler raises his arm and the next row of soldiers is shot dead.
'I will ask you one more time,' says Hitler. 'Who sneezed?'
A man in the back row timidly raises his hand. "It was me," says the soldier.
"A-ha!" says Hitler, "Gesundheit!"
[Osho]
^ Top
The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt death approaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.
The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, "What is this! Where are the pockets?"
^ Top
A mistake repeated should be complained.
Mulla Nasruddin took his pay one month and there was a ten-rupee note extra. The accountant must have counted wrongly. But he was happy.
Next month there was a ten-rupee note missing so he immediately complained. The accountant said, 'Mulla, and what about the other time when I had given you a ten-rupee note more? Then you didn't complain.'
Mulla said, 'Listen. When a mistake is committed once, it is okay. But when it is committed twice, I complain.'^ Top